a memoir for my son.
I wrote this just before my son's birth in 2013. In what seems like long ago - it's only been 2 years since. So much has happened and I'm excited more than ever to be alive and be to be here...With that said, I don't for one minute take for granted that life will lead me into the next day. I'm all to aware of my own mortality and so I wrote this in hopes that one day should I arrive to my own demise - I will leave with you some thoughts of my own that I had and wanted to share with you.
a memoir to my son
(originally written June 2013)
this gift will last forever...your existence is a pure miracle and I hope that as you grow older you treat your presence here on our planet as such. I don’t ask for perfectionism, but merely a person who can add to the greater good for humankind.
our story ::
Your mom and I have quite a colorful past and even more colorful present and future ahead. There’s no doubt in my mind I am at the right place, time and with the right person to welcome you my son.
We met many many years ago while I was on duty - your dad was once a law enforcement employee. I would patrol streets, trains, parking garages, etc – in essence my job was to monitor and make people feel safe with my presence – and it was because of this job that I met the loveliest person in my life. Granted that I had dated other women in my life - like your mom had dated other men before we agreed that we were meant to be together for all of time. Anyways, we met at her job – she was a fast food employee, she was in her late teens, early twenties. We were completely unaware of what the future was going to bring for us from this point forward.
After this first encounter I made it a point to revisit her place of employment - simply to see her. After a few times, I built the nerve to ask her out. We went out and immediately started dating – but it wasn’t our time. I had some turmoil things going on that had crept up from my past pulling me away and I had to attend to them, so we broke apart.
Months later, somehow I don’t quite remember we reunited and began a more serious dating. It was great – but it came with a lot. We had to deal with alot as we were dating. Namely, at this point in our relationship your uncle and most of your mom’s family didn’t like me. We tried to keep the relationship going but things got real difficult and eventually we gave up. We separated a second time.
Fast forward some years later, I remember the night we reconnected. At a friends party we met up again. Even though time had past with us – I knew then how much I felt for your mommy. I knew that all the tough times were meant to build character for the challenges we were to face in the coming years. Needless to say we began dating again and this time it was for real. We were both emotionally injured – but we both learned something of each other. We missed each other very much and we were going to make it work. It was time to prove to her family that I was the right man for there daughter. Most of the problems that a rise from your mom’s side of the family was – “he’s not good enough for Susy”. Your Tio Eduardo and I had some minor issues, but as real men do – we talked about it and put it in the past. Bygones. I stated my intentions with the family and we finally began a relationship that eventually led us to a blissful wedding day. I want you to know Diego, subconsciously I never gave up on your mom and I. Even if at some point during our separated time – I might have put it behind me.
However, the reality is your mom had carved her place in my heart. One day you will know what I’m saying.
If you love enough, if you are strong enough and you don’t give up – you will win.
After we had dated for some time I decided it was the right time to ask for your mom’s hand in marriage. You see your grandparents are very old school and think very differently from how I grew up. However, I appreciate the old school and I appreciate that they wanted only the best for their daughter. As your father, I only want the best for you. However, I also understand I can only lead you to the river and that at some point you will cross on your own. I hope that what I can teach you will help you prepare for that eventual metaphoric crossing.
Your mom and I married, December 23, 2005 at City Hall SF and again April 22, 2006 at the Holy Angels Church in Daly City. We married in a civil union and later married in front of God. We had a small to medium size wedding - but the love was enough to fit an XXXXXL venue. We had begun talking about kids – but we first wanted to focus on a few things first. Namely, Us.
Between 2006 and 2011, we did things and went places that reinforced our relationship first. But it was time – it was time we began talking about kids. Some of the things your mom and I absolutely enjoy is 1) traveling 2) watching movies 3) eating and 4) just being around each other. My little Diego, if there is one message you get from all this it is – your mami and papi love each other very much. I hope that in your life you will have the persistence and passion to pursue the people and things you love.
As I approach my 39th Birthday, my only hope is that I will see you grow in a man – that is better than me. My only goal in life is for you and your mom to be happy. As a father – I have hopes and dreams - some I will live vicariously through you. Others I will have to deal with in my next life. The day you arrive, the day of your birth will mark a new direction for me as a man. My focus will be on raising a boy into a man – one that will make your mother proud. One that will make the rest of mind kind proud. As you age, I want you to remember that our time here is short and it is mostly certainly temporary. Make the best of it – dream big and do the things your heart says for you to do. Also, and more importantly remember those who love you and those who support you.
It is June 27, 2013 – I took a short pause to reflect what I’ve written thus far. I have to admit my son, what you are reading is only but a small blurb of everything I want to share with you. However, I felt it was important to write some things down for you to refer back years from now.
As for your existence. Well one day we’ll go into greater detail, but for now I’ll share this with you. Late last year we were facing some hard decisions about parenthood. We had faced all sorts of possibilities. One of which was of your early foundational existence. A few months into your mommy’s pregnancy - we were told you would not live and would not exist beyond weeks or days into pregnancy. This meant – our hopes and dreams of having a child were quickly becoming only a dream. However, need less to say you are here. We never gave up on you despite what was said and we stood strong in the entire 9 months and while you are 2 months away from your reveal – I pray that you will enter our world and into our arms as we envisioned. Diego my son, you are the promise of a better life. You bring with you the joy of our lives culminated together into one. Diego I love you and I will be at your side